Me 3 days in my journey

I am not dreaming, but this is a bit OUT of habit.

I feel like a Willie in Indiana Jones movie, take a trip that you never thought before.

I've been on this earth for decades, but never even tried to make the long journey ALONE. Many things make me always confined within the circumference of doubt in doing so.

For most people, at my age. 5-6 hours is a common trip to do by ourself, I mean “ALONE”, whether to visit family, friends or perhaps deliberately gone somewhere with the goal just to finding new experiences.

Worry and fear that I created always fortify  myself if I want to do that, but now there are new things that I know,If someone in poor condition (broken heart), is be able to forget all his fears and deal without worrying, just focus on one point and ignore the others. That's what happened to me 3 days ago.

I was so upset, problems arise suddenly and make everyting to be crazy. Someone who is far away in another place try to broke me ya that was my first approximation. Thing I know, in facing  problem /s the best solution to solve it is talk about it well, face to face and create a positive atmosphere to break the ice and calm anxiety. That's what pushed me for daring to go there to meet my beloved man alone in solving the problem I'm facing. Worried and scared?? not (brain is too hard to deny in the time).

17 May, I turned into a bit of a wild girl, desperate and ridiculous.

That morning,  god was angry on me. Currently when I was ready to go, suddenly it was rain , ouh without permission!. But determination bleak beat that little thing, I was till carrying on my feet to go.

Throughout the journey not trip  (it heard more exclusive, :D) my Heart and Mind continues to talk, heart force to keep going but my logic mind try to dissuade it. Either because I'm a woman, in every struggle between them (heart vs mind),woman often uses the feeling deeply, so the heart is a winner . #Shit.

4 times to ride public transportation to get the destinations –Bandung-. When it seems there is always a disorder, a severe misfire, sleepiness and doubts that plagued approached.

I am, a woman who comes to a man whom I loved. In this trouble what I want was hearing his voice or argument  immediately  to make all be more clear, in phone is not enough.

, perhaps these are my questions  that I wanted to know the answer of him "Do you still love me?," want  do u want in our relationship?, "What do you want to do for this relationship?”.

Woman is always not patient to solve the problem in long time. It is so annoying.

This relationship has been doing since  4 years ago. Pain that appears to exceed Salit ever.

I was nervous, afraid of many things in doing this journey, my parents, family and others,” What will happen if they know what I do?” #hm

I asked many questions to him

I got saved and alone at my destination. Soon, he was appearing. I taken a deep breath and got on with it I asked a lot of things I really want to know the answer. There's always tears in every conversation, it's hard for me to control. However, he explains very clearly that all the things that I think is not entirely true. I'm fed up with all the things that interfere with this, coquette, long distance in our relationship, and so forth.

But he seems convinced, and I believe him (again and always).

To divert atmosphere inflamed by talk too seriously, we got closer to each other and enjoy the time together. Until the evening, and told  a lot of hope that we have to do to make this relationship much better.

I saw him sleep well  beside me, and I know he was trying as hard as possible to protect and cherish me for this.  I was not willing to go home the next 2 days. It looked so unfair, I  want to accompany him always, everytime. But I am aware, this is not the time.

The next day, we got lost for breakfast.

I waited  his pickup in the morning, for breakfast, I didn’t  want to miss everyting there without him there. He rode his favorite blue Vespa, “Veru”  I usually called  using the name for the vespa ya Veru.  J

We drive around, I hugged him tightly, not looking for a tasty meal but a nice looking place and still empty, and we got it, I forgot the name of the place. Nasi Kuning and seasoned chicken accompanied us in the morning.

Back to digs and I was alone at my room for awhile

He was in business, congress. I didn’t know very well about it.

In Lunch time he came back, picked me up, to ITB to eat his favorite food, Chicken Colla, along the way I tighten my grip on his waist, hoping the time was not run away.

We laughed and talked about many things, important or not (who cares!).

He returned to his work, leaving me alone in the inn. I spent a lot of time watching film -Hugo, Indiana Jones (in 3 series) and I forgot that I had a movie to watch-5. I guessed  I can be calm and let him with his work, but not, I missed him, no friends in the time. I continued to contact him, asking him to come and accompany me in inn. finally he came, and suddenly asked me out for a meal, but I refused, I just want to stay there in the evening and keep silent is enough to do. He was angry and wanted to go to the business, I didn’t want him to go because I had to go home tomorrow and hope she would make time for me again tonight.

But he still wanted to go with the million reasons that made sense, but I was still in my desire, asking silent. Our fight, crying and blaming each other. Until he found the best solution, waiting for me to sleep and then back to business, I agreed it. Because the reason I wanted him to stay behind  me  because I did not dare to sleep alone there.

One hour he was silent and just watched me who tried to go sleep, he continued to reassure that he did not intend to choose between me or the congress, he would like to have in the affairs of the two, I know but I still did not dare and could not sleep all night.

I finally fell asleep on him chest, and woke up in the morning.

I woke up and was surprised he was still there beside me, asleep soundly, I think he was exhausted and join overslept, and my guess was correct. He accidentally slept and missed the business. I was happy, not because he was accompanied, but he's not angry on me, he realized ,  exhausted and trying not to blame, but I knew, I'm spoiled when it.

He asked for permission not to take me up to the terminal to back home, so he could at least come in the morning to the  business, as he missed  it the last night. But again, I'm teasing, whining to make him wanted to take me home, I want him to be man who responsible to me, and then he melted on and on and on and I drove home.

So sad to leave him,  wanna stay there always, beside him,  but ya, I know this is not the time. With great anticipation and prayer, may we always be strong in the face of all the problems that are always trying to undermine us again

I never thought I did it, take a trip, 3 days with him. J